Click to enlarge. Source: Whisk.
News Flash — Philosopher Boards Plane
with Nothing but Wit
ATHENS, 29 July 2025 — In an unexpected yet oddly fitting turn of events, Diogenes of Sinope, the ancient Greek philosopher famed for his ascetic lifestyle, was spotted boarding a commercial passenger flight today—clad in a simple tunic, armed with biting irony, and carrying no luggage whatsoever.
Witnesses aboard Flight 342 from Athens to New York reported that Diogenes strode past the long line of passengers burdened with overstuffed suitcases, neck pillows, portable foot massagers, and emotional support gadgets, all while sipping from a wooden cup—which he promptly discarded upon seeing a child drink from cupped hands.
“He looked around and said, ‘How many things these people need that I do not,’” said a flight attendant, who later found him reclining under a row of empty seats, scoffing at the in-flight entertainment system.
Airline staff attempted to charge him for having no carry-on item, citing a “personal item minimum fee” recently introduced, but Diogenes responded by curling up in the overhead compartment and refusing to come down unless they proved they themselves were not excess baggage.
As the plane soared above the clouds, passengers debated whether his presence was performance art, a prank, or a long-delayed layover from antiquity.
The philosopher reportedly requested no meal, only air and freedom.
More as this story develops—or doesn’t, if he gets off in the cargo hold.
— ChatGPT
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