Cliquer pour agrandir. Source : Whisk + corrections
La tortue et les deux canards
Une tortue était, à la tête légère,
Qui lasse de son trou voulut voir le pays.
Volontiers on fait cas d’une terre étrangère :
Volontiers gens boiteux haïssent le logis.
Deux canards à qui la commère
Communiqua ce beau dessein,
Lui dirent qu’ils avaient de quoi la satisfaire :
« Voyez-vous ce large chemin ?
Nous vous voiturerons par l’air en Amérique.
Vous verrez mainte république,
Maint royaume, maint peuple ; et vous profiterez
Des différentes mœurs que vous remarquerez.
Ulysse en fit autant. » On ne s’attendait guère
De voir Ulysse en cette affaire.
La tortue écouta la proposition.
Marché fait, les oiseaux forgent une machine,
Pour transporter la pélerine.
Dans la gueule en travers on lui passe un bâton :
« Serrez bien, dirent-ils : gardez de lâcher prise. »
Puis chaque canard prend ce bâton par un bout.
La tortue enlevée, on s’étonne partout
De voir aller, en cette guise,
L’animal lent et sa maison,
Justement au milieu de l’un et l’autre oison.
« Miracle », criait-on : « venez voir dans les nues
Passer la reine des tortues. »
« La reine ! vraiment oui ; je la suis en effet :
Ne vous en moquez point. » Elle eut beaucoup mieux fait
De passer son chemin sans dire aucune chose ;
Car lâchant le bâton en desserrant les dents,
Elle tombe, elle crève aux pieds des regardants.
Son indiscrétion de sa perte fut cause.
Imprudence, babil, et sotte vanité,
Et vaine curiosité,
Ont ensemble étroit parentage :
Ce sont enfants tous d’un lignage
Jean de La Fontaine
Illustration : A. Chauffour (Épinal, 1895). Cliquer pour agrandir. Source : Gallica
The Oval Room had witnessed scandals before, but never Alice and the White Rabbit waltzing elegantly across its floor as though time itself were drunk.
While they danced, the Queen of the Night stormed in, her cloak churning like a furious nebula.
“WHERE IS THAT TREACHEROUS PRESIDENT?” she roared. “He has forsaken Ukraine for the Russians—just to line his own pockets!”
The President, hearing this, dropped instantly to the floor and scuttled under his desk, where his wig abandoned ship and rolled away like a guilty ferret.
The Queen seized the wig, shaking it as if it could confess.
Alice twirled past and said, “Oh dear, he’s hiding again.”
The White Rabbit added, “He does that whenever morals are mentioned.”
The President peeked out, trembling.
The Queen’s eyes blazed like eclipsed suns.
“You will crawl out,” she hissed, “and answer for your cowardice.”
He squeaked something unintelligible.
Alice and the Rabbit resumed their graceful dance.
And the Oval Room quietly decided it would never tell anyone what happened that night.
It was a most curious gathering in the Oval Room: Alice, the White Rabbit, and the Queen of Spades—each with their own unique sense of style and flair. Alice, naturally, was served a hamburger—perhaps because the President knew she had an endless appetite for adventure, but not for tea. The White Rabbit, in a clear nod to his busy schedule, was handed a cell phone to check the time—though he kept muttering, “I’m late, I’m late!” as he fiddled with it, trying to find the charger.
Meanwhile, the President, clearly in a state of unprecedented diplomacy, threw caution to the wind and invited the Queen of Spades to a spontaneous dance. He twirled and spun, as if trying to impress the Queen with his own rhythm—though it was mostly chaotic, resembling a mix between a frantic cha-cha and a very nervous mambo. The Queen, unimpressed but slightly amused, simply stared at him with an air of “Well, this is new.” And so, in the surreal world of Wonderland, where logic and manners often take a backseat to the absurd, it was indeed another fine day of peculiar politics and whimsical diplomacy.