Miklos
« Je donne mon avis non comme bon mais comme mien. » — Michel de Montaigne

Click to enlarge. Source : Whisk

For travellers seeking destinations that challenge pronunciation, signage, and basic cartographic dignity, we are pleased to offer the Grand Unreasonable Toponym Tour™.

Your journey begins in Å, the one-letter wonder that has been confusing maps and airline tickets for decades. From Norway, you will cross to Wales, where the linguistic marathon continues: first, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, a village whose sign is longer than most human attention spans. Fortunately, relief follows immediately in Cwm, a neighboring Welsh settlement with no vowels, providing a moment of resto­rative silence for tired tongues.

The tour then ventures to Eyjafjallajökull, Iceland’s scenic and news-anchor-traumatizing volcano, followed by a hop to Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenua­ki­ta­na­tahu on the opposite side of our planet, for those with endurance in their lungs.

Back to our side of the globe — have a dip in the Char­gogga­gogg­man­chaugga­gogg­chaubuna­gungamaugg Lake (Mass., US), or, if too difficult for you, in the D River (Oreg., US), and then go visit Truth or Consequences (New Mex.), a dramatically named but perfectly ordinary town, followed by the occasional American Paris — the most famous one being Paris (TX), but not to forget Paris (AK), Paris (ID), Paris (IL), Paris (KY), Paris (ME), Paris (MI), Paris (NY), Paris (MO), Paris (TN), as well as the many townships and un­incor­porated com­mu­nities bearing this name.

After visiting all those American Parises, the tour moves to the real Paris — the one your guidebook likely thinks of first. Don’t forget to visit its street bearing the shortest name, Py. Alternatively, if you run out of time, visit its shortest street, rue des Degrés (16.4 ft).

Finally, the tour concludes at the commune of Y (also in France) — a destination that provides a neat, mini­malist punct­uation mark to your grand spelling, sightseeing and topo­ny­mic journey.

– ChatGPT (heavily modified)

ChatGPT map of the above tour… Only Å is correctly located.
Most names are misspelled or totally made up.
Click to enlarge.

Cliquer pour agrandir. Source : Whisk + corrections

La tortue et les deux canards

Une tortue était, à la tête légère,
Qui lasse de son trou voulut voir le pays.
Volontiers on fait cas d’une terre étrangère :
Volontiers gens boiteux haïssent le logis.
Deux canards à qui la commère
Communiqua ce beau dessein,
Lui dirent qu’ils avaient de quoi la satisfaire :
« Voyez-vous ce large chemin ?
Nous vous voiturerons par l’air en Amérique.
Vous verrez mainte république,
Maint royaume, maint peuple ; et vous profiterez
Des différentes mœurs que vous remarquerez.
Ulysse en fit autant. » On ne s’attendait guère
De voir Ulysse en cette affaire.
La tortue écouta la proposition.
Marché fait, les oiseaux forgent une machine,
Pour transporter la pélerine.
Dans la gueule en travers on lui passe un bâton :
« Serrez bien, dirent-ils : gardez de lâcher prise. »
Puis chaque canard prend ce bâton par un bout.
La tortue enlevée, on s’étonne partout
De voir aller, en cette guise,
L’animal lent et sa maison,
Justement au milieu de l’un et l’autre oison.
« Miracle », criait-on : « venez voir dans les nues
Passer la reine des tortues. »
« La reine ! vraiment oui ; je la suis en effet :
Ne vous en moquez point. » Elle eut beaucoup mieux fait
De passer son chemin sans dire aucune chose ;
Car lâchant le bâton en desserrant les dents,
Elle tombe, elle crève aux pieds des regardants.
Son indiscrétion de sa perte fut cause.
 
Imprudence, babil, et sotte vanité,
Et vaine curiosité,
Ont ensemble étroit parentage :
Ce sont enfants tous d’un lignage

Jean de La Fontaine

Illustration : A. Chauffour (Épinal, 1895).
Cliquer pour agrandir. Source : Gallica

Source: Whisk.

The Oval Room had witnessed scandals before, but never Alice and the White Rabbit waltzing elegantly across its floor as though time itself were drunk.

While they danced, the Queen of the Night stormed in, her cloak churning like a furious nebula.

“WHERE IS THAT TREACHEROUS PRESIDENT?” she roared. “He has forsaken Ukraine for the Russians—just to line his own pockets!”

The President, hearing this, dropped instantly to the floor and scuttled under his desk, where his wig abandoned ship and rolled away like a guilty ferret.

The Queen seized the wig, shaking it as if it could confess.

Alice twirled past and said, “Oh dear, he’s hiding again.”

The White Rabbit added, “He does that whenever morals are mentioned.”

The President peeked out, trembling.

The Queen’s eyes blazed like eclipsed suns.

“You will crawl out,” she hissed, “and answer for your cowardice.”

He squeaked something unintelligible.

Alice and the Rabbit resumed their graceful dance.

And the Oval Room quietly decided it would never tell anyone what happened that night.

– ChatGPT

Source: NotebookLM.

Cliquer pour agrandir. Source : Whisk

It was a most curious gathering in the Oval Room: Alice, the White Rabbit, and the Queen of Spades—each with their own unique sense of style and flair. Alice, naturally, was served a hamburger—perhaps because the President knew she had an endless appetite for adventure, but not for tea. The White Rabbit, in a clear nod to his busy schedule, was handed a cell phone to check the time—though he kept muttering, “I’m late, I’m late!” as he fiddled with it, trying to find the charger.

Meanwhile, the President, clearly in a state of unprecedented diplomacy, threw caution to the wind and invited the Queen of Spades to a spontaneous dance. He twirled and spun, as if trying to impress the Queen with his own rhythm—though it was mostly chaotic, resembling a mix between a frantic cha-cha and a very nervous mambo. The Queen, unimpressed but slightly amused, simply stared at him with an air of “Well, this is new.” And so, in the surreal world of Wonderland, where logic and manners often take a backseat to the absurd, it was indeed another fine day of peculiar politics and whimsical diplomacy.

– ChatGPT

Cliquer pour agrandir.