Peachy Coup: President Impeached via Fruit-Based Constitutional Crisis
Source: ChatGPT, by detailed request and some subsequent enrichments.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a juicy turn of events that historians are already calling “a sticky first,” the President of the United States has been officially impeached—not by the usual Congressional process, but by being physically submerged into a colossal heap of ripe peaches that flooded the Oval Room early Tuesday morning.
At precisely 9:00 AM, aides reported hearing a series of sloshing sounds and muffled presidential expletives before the Resolute Desk was swallowed by a rolling tsunami of stone fruit. Eyewitnesses claim the peaches poured in from the presidential seal on the carpet, which had evidently been converted into a high-volume fruit chute.
White House insiders confirm the operation, dubbed “Operation Stone Fruit”, was the brainchild of a bipartisan coalition fed up with gridlock, scandal fatigue, and an unusually intense national surplus of Georgia peaches. “We decided to interpret ‘impeachment’ literally,” said Rep. Flora Pitman (D-GA), casually eating one of the fruits as she briefed the press. “If the Constitution won’t move fast enough, maybe fiber will.”
The President, reportedly trapped waist-deep in nectar and surrounded by aides wielding juice-resistant clipboards, issued a frantic TruthSocial post:
“This is a WITCH HUNT. I love peaches, maybe more than anyone, but this is fruit tyranny. I was winning so much they had to drown me in produce. Sad!”
Legal scholars are at odds over the legitimacy of the method. Some argue it’s a clear violation of Article II, while others insist the Founders “probably would have loved the symbolism.” Chief Justice John Roberts, upon being asked for comment, simply sighed, wiped a smear of peach flesh off his robe, and walked away whispering, “We were warned about this in Federalist No. 65.”
Public reaction has been sharply divided. Supporters of the President gathered outside the White House holding signs that read “UNPEACH THE PEACHING” and “STOP THE STONE FRUIT COUP”. Meanwhile, critics praised the action as “refreshing,” “vitamin-rich,” and “finally making Congress look productive.”
As for the Oval Room, it has been declared a “syrup zone” and is expected to ferment into a minor wine cellar by next week.
Stay tuned as America watches what’s next: a Senate trial, or possibly a cobbler.
— ChatGPT
