Miklos
« Je donne mon avis non comme bon mais comme mien. » — Michel de Montaigne

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Source: ChatGPT, by detailed request and some subsequent enrichments.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a juicy turn of events that historians are already calling “a sticky first,” the President of the United States has been officially impeached—not by the usual Congressional process, but by being physically submerged into a colossal heap of ripe peaches that flooded the Oval Room early Tuesday morning.

At precisely 9:00 AM, aides reported hearing a series of sloshing sounds and muffled presidential expletives before the Resolute Desk was swallowed by a rolling tsunami of stone fruit. Eyewitnesses claim the peaches poured in from the presidential seal on the carpet, which had evidently been converted into a high-volume fruit chute.

White House insiders confirm the operation, dubbed “Operation Stone Fruit”, was the brainchild of a bipartisan coalition fed up with gridlock, scandal fatigue, and an unusually intense national surplus of Georgia peaches. “We decided to interpret ‘impeachment’ literally,” said Rep. Flora Pitman (D-GA), casually eating one of the fruits as she briefed the press. “If the Constitution won’t move fast enough, maybe fiber will.”

The President, reportedly trapped waist-deep in nectar and surrounded by aides wielding juice-resistant clipboards, issued a frantic TruthSocial post:

“This is a WITCH HUNT. I love peaches, maybe more than anyone, but this is fruit tyranny. I was winning so much they had to drown me in produce. Sad!”

Legal scholars are at odds over the legitimacy of the method. Some argue it’s a clear violation of Article II, while others insist the Founders “probably would have loved the symbolism.” Chief Justice John Roberts, upon being asked for comment, simply sighed, wiped a smear of peach flesh off his robe, and walked away whispering, “We were warned about this in Federalist No. 65.”

Public reaction has been sharply divided. Supporters of the President gathered outside the White House holding signs that read “UNPEACH THE PEACHING” and “STOP THE STONE FRUIT COUP”. Meanwhile, critics praised the action as “refreshing,” “vitamin-rich,” and “finally making Congress look productive.”

As for the Oval Room, it has been declared a “syrup zone” and is expected to ferment into a minor wine cellar by next week.

Stay tuned as America watches what’s next: a Senate trial, or possibly a cobbler.

— ChatGPT

Source: ImageFX. Click to enlarge.

“My brother-in law had, on the paternal side, a first cousin whose maternal uncle had a father-in-law whose paternal grandfather had married as his second wife a young native whose brother he had met on one of his travels, a girl of whom he was enamored and by whom he had a son who married an intrepid lady pharmacist who was none other than the niece of an unknown fourth-class petty officer of the Royal Navy and whose adopted father had an aunt who spoke Spanish fluently and who was, perhaps, one of the granddaughters of an engineer who died young, himself the grandson of the owner of a vineyard which produced mediocre wine, but wh had a second cousin, a stay-at-home, a sergeant-major, whose son had married a very pretty young woman, a divorcee, whose first husband was the son of a loyal patriot who, in the hope of making his fortune, had managed to bring up one of his daughters so that she could marry a footman who had known Rothschild, and whose brother, after having changed his trade several times, married and had a daughter whose stunted great-grandfather wore spectacles which had been given him by a cousin of his, the brother-in-law of a man from Portugal, natural son of a miller, not too badly off, whose foster brother had married the daughter of a former country doctor, who was himself a foster-brother of the son of a forrester, himself the natural son of another country doctor, married three times in a row, whose third wife was the daughter of the best midwife in the region and who, early left a widow, had married a glazier who was full of life and who had had, by the daughter of a station master, a child who had burned his bridges and had married an oyster woman, whose father had a brother, mayor of a small town, who had taken as his wife a blonde schoolteacher, whose cousin, a fly fisherman had married another blonde schoolteacher, named Marie, too, whose brother was married to another Marie, also a blonde schoolteacher whose father had been reared in Canada by an old woman who was the niece of a priest whose grandmother, occasionally in the winter, like everyone else, caught a cold.”

— Eugene Ionesco, The Bald Soprano.

Version française ici.

Production ImageFX. Cliquer pour agrandir.

La Baya – chanson chinoise, paroles de Marcel Heurtebise et musique de Henri Christiné, fut créée par Fragson en 1911. Elle eut un succès immédiat, et fut reprise par bien d’autres après lui : Charlus (1911), Elwel¹ (1911), Paul Lack² (1911), Alfred Nohcor³ (1916), Paul Roby (1956), Jean Parédès (1957), Suzy Delair (1958), Christian Borel (1961), Maurice Chevalier (1962), Aimé Doniat (1962), Paolo Poli (1967, en italien), Georgette Plana (1971), Guy Béart (1982), Karen Cheryl⁴ (1983), Danyel Dorgère et son orchestre (2010), Jules et son limonaire (2010)…

Il existe aussi un enregistrement d’Arletty, sur la même musique, mais avec des paroles tout à fait différentes, sans aucun rapport avec ce que raconte l’original, comme on peut le voir ci-dessous. Cette version est apparue en 1934 dans l’operette Le Bonheur, Mesdames ! de Francis de Croisset (d’après sa pièce éponyme représentée en 1905 au Théâtre des Variétés), musique du même Henri Christiné pour la musique et couplets d’Albert Willemetz, qui y a introduit des adaptations de chansons célèbres de Christiné.

Arletty y tient le rôle de Fernande. En épousant le marquis Adhémar d’Arromanches (Michel Simon, lors de la création), trop âgé pour elle, elle se rend compte qu’elle a fait une bêtise. Son dépit est d’autant plus vif que Georges (René Koval), le meilleur ami de son mari, ne cache pas sa félicité auprès de Paulette (Suzanne Dantès), épouse charmante et dévouée…

Quant au titre de la chanson, inchangé (pour les nombreuses publications de la version Arletty), il semblerait qu’il dénote « une grande dame, noble et distinguée, mais aussi confiante et autoritaire », ce qui pourrait correspondre aux deux personnages dont parlent ces deux versions – la petite Chinoise divine chez Fragson, la marquise dépitée chez Arletty.

Michel Simon et Arletty, in Le Bonheur, mesdames ! Cliquer pour agrandir.

Version Arletty

Extrait de l’information dans Public Sénat
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Aujourd’hui lors de l’annonce.

Demain.